hi

i wonder how many of you still check this blog. its been months since i've posted something. whenever i have a blog for too long, i get a little antsy. especially when i feel like i've gone through something life-changing or when i want to just start over. i start questioning my commitment, i lose interest, momentum, ect. then sometimes i look at old posts and find myself cringing. i'm so embarassed or sad or whatever...but i still want to keep them. each post is a memory and i'm thankful to myself for preserving my ideas and those fleeting moments, no matter how badly i want to rip my eyes out or cry. i'm resisting the urge the start over now because i want to keep chronicling my story aswell as our story. 

i don't really want to recap on what has gone on since my last post. some pretty rad stuff happened but some really shit things as well. also my mind is firing off into a million directions, which is to be expected when you come out of a weird hiatus. still having weird commitment issues if i'm being totally honest. life is busy so posts will be a bit sporadic (as usual) but i still want and feel this desire to blog. always have, probably always will. 2013 was hard and i have felt very unsafe. i've lost my way of articulating my thoughts, i am a very very terrible communicator, i have since lived inside my brain for a majority of the year, which all of these facts actually bring tears to my eyes. 

i am hoping this year will be the year i get back into the habit of writing/blogging.

but no promises.