to honour

 

 

its been a year since one of my best friends passed away in a tragic accident. i had the weekend off so i intended on using that time to honour gack as best as i could. ultimately, i decided to go on a bushwalk up to square rock with evan. we'd never been there together before so the sense of adventure was inviting. when saturday morning came, it was drizzling and grey, but i was determined. we packed up our stuff and headed out to namadgi. 

the walk up was incredibly beautiful. snow gum, alpine ash, an assortment of mushrooms, and boulders surrounded us and half way up we realised that we were walking in a cloud. every now and then i'd look up and see the tree tops swaying in the cold wind and cloud, it was so eerie; so otherworldly. when we got to the top, we were drenched and my hands were so stiff, i could barely move them. the wind was a bit strong on the rocks, so i didn't want to stay too long. standing on the edge of the cliff felt like standing on the edge of the world. you couldn't see anything until a break in the cloud came and you realised how high up you were.

while on the outer edge of one of the nearby caves, i took a few moments to really think about gack and thank her for being such a loyal friend/sister to me. i only had one printed photo of us together on hand & i'd taken it up the mountain so i could have something tangible of her with me. it was fun imagining what she would be doing if she'd been with us. i knew she'd be jumping from boulder to boulder, over deep gaps in the cliffs, giving me and ange heart attacks. its hard to imagine that she is gone. sometimes in my dreams i forget and there is always this idea that she is around, tho i never get to see her. but maybe that is also real life. she is around. she's in my heart. and in the hearts of our kazoku. i can still hear her voice and her laugh and it brings me comfort and a smile.

miss you gack.